Saturday, June 2, 2012

Virgin Blue Balls

I'm Alex. I'm in a relationship but unlike guys my age, I am not having all the sex that I want/need. I am dying. And my balls are turning blue. And I have devised all the ways to seduce my boyfriend so I can finally get laid. To no avail.

Scene 1
Alex: Hey love, I had a couple of drinks with my sister. Alcohol is making me really horny.
BF: Nah. I think it's the chaser.
Alex: Naku, this means we can't drink together, baka ma-ano kita.
BF: (stopped responding)

Scene 2
Alex: Love, I miss us. I miss those days when I can kiss and hug you long and sweet. What happened?
BF: I love you
Alex: I wanna have sex please let's fuck. (Only I didn't say this because he said the L word)

Scene 3
Alex: ('accidentally brushes my fingers on his crotch') Ooops sorry darling, can't help it.
BF: Weird the weather today no?
Alex: Yuh buti pa ang weather, wet (Only I didn't say this again because I'm too pacute) 

Don't get me wrong. My boyfriend and I are actually doing way better than fine. We see each other at least three times a week. We're just like any other normal couple who loves eating together, going to the movies and spending their idle time talking about anything under the sun. We've been together for three months now and this has also been my longest relationship AND for someone with a 2-month relationship deadline, this is a feat! 

The problem is, I think this is the first time that I've been in a relationship that does not revolve around sex alone. I have been living in this fancy world where sex is a prerequisite to love. where love pours the more you open up those legs. For a long time, I thought being in a good relationship means getting laid all the time. And now that I am in an actual real mature relationship, I look for that one thing that affirms I'm doing it all right. 

For weeks now, I have been fighting the urge to meet random guys over the internet, just to check if I'm still desirable. That's what I do, whenever I feel like I'm losing the upper hand in the relationship, I have to feel that I'm still in control... I have to hook up. But for some odd reason, I cannot seem to find the energy to cheat on my boyfriend. For the first time, I think I met that perfect fit. That someone you can imagine having a future with, growing fat or fit together, whatever. So yeah, maybe I can try a little harder not to screw this one good thing that's happening in my life right now. 

Besides, this no sex policy is actually amusing after all. It is making me patient. Maybe, even making me grow like a bluebell. Bluebell my blueballs.

Virginia Bluebell by Miranda Lambert


  1. Thank God I'm not alone! I mean, I can relate to le boyfriend. No sex policy for me as well :)

    1. More i'm-so-sexless-ill-let-the-coconut-tree-fuck-me stories soon!


    nai-imagine ko yung mga eksena! :P

    kewl blog. hope you don't mind i followed ;)

  3. Lucky guy. I know sex is an integral part of a relationship but it doesn't mean you actually do it evverytime you're together.

    I totally get your point of view.

    Hey, sometimes patience is a good thing.