The Mistress of Dr. Tan

Oh hello I know long time no blog post.

Actually no time for anything. I would love to say thank you weather for making me stay at home for 2 straight days, and for giving me some alone time (oh yeah, I miss porn and jacking off and manroulette-ing and fuckroulette-ing) but since people are actually wet and starving and unhappy and probably dying (huhu) outside my tiny comfort zone, I'll save the gratitude for the next rainy day.

Well yeah, I should be studying right now but heck, my mind is clouded with thoughts such as:

"tanginaaaaa bed weather pero nasa computer chair ako nagaaraaaaal!"

"tanginaaaaaaaaaa I'm eating salad. I should be eating a person right now, devouring meat like I've never devoured anything in my entire life because that's what you do during rainy daaaays!!!"

"shet wala na naman yata kaming pasok bukas, sayang ang learning"

"how can I help with the relief operations if I can't even help myself"

My love life is ok. Sex comes every 5th week but it's ok. Cry cry. /wrist

Alex Tan

PS Yeah, I'm the mistress of Dr. Tan. HAHAHAHAHAH

Hummingbird Heartbeat

After 3 eons, my boyfriend and I finally had sex.


"oh my @#$%^&*($#" was all I can think of while we were exchanging juices. And man, it was sooo good. I felt like I'm a virgin all over again minus the pag-iinarte and keme. That fresh, tight and eager feeling, oh yeah! :-)


And while we were doing that in-out thing, I found myself cumming without even touching myself. My boyfriend thinks he was that good, I stopped myself from saying "I was doing all the work darling". But it's ok. I'm a happy camper and I badly need sex. I got what I need after few weeks of the routine stressful life that is medschool.


My boyfriend wanted me to cum again after 5 seconds. But hey, you know that's impossible so I just asked him to do the in-out slovosch thing again. He was limp already so I allowed ourselves some time off to recover, I stayed on top of him, listened to our heart beats as they drum as one. It was one sweet lullaby. I fell asleep.


After 30 minutes maybe, I saw him dressing, getting ready to leave. I started fixing myself too so I can take him home. I gave him a hug before we left the apartment.


We walked to the main road for his ride home. We were silent. I was wondering what's running inside his head.


And then he told me, "Leave. Don't ever have sex with me again... if you're just going to sleep after because that is so insulting. Leave now."


But I stayed. I felt his words rip my heart to three. I was guilty. And then I saw him take the cab and leave.


Alex


PS He can't blame my body for doing what is physiologic, hello refractory period!!!

Good in Goodbye

The endeavor is vain. You cannot annihilate the eternal relic of the human heart, love. (Hugo)

She looked happy. And for one split second, I thought the world was about to crumble under my feet. I saw her again. The only woman I have ever loved. The only person I will ever love. Yeah, that kind of love that is eternal and pure, that gives patience to endure and hope to dream the impossible. The kind that tears you up from the inside, rips you apart and makes you whole again. The crazy, horrorshow feeling. Ah, love. 

They said you'll never really understand what love is until it is over, until you found that needle in the haystack and lose it seconds after, forever. That one brief moment of God knows what. Ah, bliss.

Our goodbyes were life's cue for us to take separate roads. It was as if the universe was conspiring not to give our love story a happy ending. It was over. That kind of separation that  leaves you bleeding until your heart beats no more, that makes you sleep but never rest, makes you talk but never make sense.

But life goes on. And over the years, I've been trying to make myself believe that we ended up where we're supposed to be. Screwed and fucked up as hell maybe, but better.

Then I saw you again.

And it was as if nothing ever changed.

I still love you.

Virgin Blue Balls

I'm Alex. I'm in a relationship but unlike guys my age, I am not having all the sex that I want/need. I am dying. And my balls are turning blue. And I have devised all the ways to seduce my boyfriend so I can finally get laid. To no avail.

Scene 1

Alex: Hey love, I had a couple of drinks with my sister. Alcohol is making me really horny.
BF: Nah. I think it's the chaser.

Alex: Naku, this means we can't drink together, baka ma-ano kita.

BF: (stopped responding)

Scene 2

Alex: Love, I miss us. I miss those days when I can kiss and hug you long and sweet. What happened?

BF: I love you
Alex: I wanna have sex please let's fuck. (Only I didn't say this because he said the L word)


Scene 3
Alex: ('accidentally brushes my fingers on his crotch') Ooops sorry darling, can't help it.
BF: Weird the weather today no?
Alex: Yuh buti pa ang weather, wet (Only I didn't say this again because I'm too pacute) 

Don't get me wrong. My boyfriend and I are actually doing way better than fine. We see each other at least three times a week. We're just like any other normal couple who loves eating together, going to the movies and spending their idle time talking about anything under the sun. We've been together for three months now and this has also been my longest relationship AND for someone with a 2-month relationship deadline, this is a feat! 

The problem is, I think this is the first time that I've been in a relationship that does not revolve around sex alone. I have been living in this fancy world where sex is a prerequisite to love. where love pours the more you open up those legs. For a long time, I thought being in a good relationship means getting laid all the time. And now that I am in an actual real mature relationship, I look for that one thing that affirms I'm doing it all right. 

For weeks now, I have been fighting the urge to meet random guys over the internet, just to check if I'm still desirable. That's what I do, whenever I feel like I'm losing the upper hand in the relationship, I have to feel that I'm still in control... I have to hook up. But for some odd reason, I cannot seem to find the energy to cheat on my boyfriend. For the first time, I think I met that perfect fit. That someone you can imagine having a future with, growing fat or fit together, whatever. So yeah, maybe I can try a little harder not to screw this one good thing that's happening in my life right now. 

Besides, this no sex policy is actually amusing after all. It is making me patient. Maybe, even making me grow like a bluebell. Bluebell my blueballs.


Virginia Bluebell by Miranda Lambert

Say 'fuck me harder'

Funny. Alex means 'he who wards off men' in Ancient Greece. Oh if our Guy up there knew one Alex will be born liking all the hot men in the world, he must have given that definition another thought. I like guys. Oh gosh, saying it doesn't even give it enough justice. 

I have stopped dreaming that the brain is the sexiest part of the male anatomy. So I go to the gym three  to four times a week, trying to carve those phantom muscles that I never thought were actually there. Screw nice long conversations, screw beliefs and dreams and random shit. It's all about those guns and abs. Face it. (But other than that, I also go to the gym for my daily dose of naked guys. Have I mentioned that I usually imagine myself getting banged by all the cocky, aggressive, hairy muscle men in the locker room all at the same? Oh yeah.)

I'm in medical school. Yeah, I'm one of those lifeless, pale, annoying people you usually see studying in places where there is coffee, tables, and chairs (including 711 and ministop; only, I don't study in 711 and Ministop because THAT is just sooooo MASA). Those people who look like they won't get laid 'til they hit their 30s OR won't get laid at all. Those guys ready to give you that I'm-going-to-kill-you look whenever you laugh so hard as if rubbing on my face how pathetic my life is, wasting my youth studying the human body.

I went to medschool thinking it will be just like Grey's Anatomy. Only to find out that this profession is not just about fornicating the clerk, intern, resident, fellow and consultants you just met in the local pub. As much as you want to think that it is all about the exchange of love juices and repressed hormones, this profession is a lifetime commitment to healing - healing the wound that goes beyond what our eyes can see. Amazing sex with the hot doctor is just a BONUS.

And that's my story.

So if life fucks you hard, say 'fuck me harder'.

Alex

PS Oh and have I mentioned 'fuck me harder'?